Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Stencil My Name Across Your Ass

was in the grocery store yesterday, wheeling my cart around, when i found myself behind this relatively young woman. she was wearing a light-coloured t-shirt, and a pair of white sweat pants. stenciled across her ass, in bright pink letters, was the name of some collegiate institution, i forget which.

be damned if i didn't follow her around the store for a while during her perambulation, paying particular attention to the way her ass cheeks swayed rythmically back and forth as she pranced. now don't get me wrong: her cheeks were quite delectable; the perfect balance between rotundity and density, jiggling globules to cause the mouth to water, the loins to stir. i eventually stopped following as she continued to glance warily over her shoulder at me.

which brings me to a point: some might say that my behaviour was reprehensible, that i lusted after this female and denied her her dignity. my response would have to be:

"god's blood! what in tarnation was she doing with advertising stenciled across her ass?!"

sorry, but the only reason for advertising is to have someone look at that advertising, and if you're advertising on your ass then someone's bloody well going to stare that ass down -- perhaps even to go so far as to drift into a warm reverie imagining how deeply one would plow said ass.

i'm sure that young woman knew exactly what she was doing that morning when she slid those sweatpants on, and i'll bet dollars to doughnuts it wasn't church she was thinking of.


KP said...

ha you said dollars to donuts. what i like to do in these situations is go up behind the girl in question and trace the word on her ass with my finger, saying it out loud slowly, as if i am just learning how to read. works like a charm.

March to the Sea said...

KP is that like braile? (sp?) if so I am gonna use that and hope her apple of an ass reads UNIVERSITY OF MISSISSIPPI.

Kurt said...

Thus proving my long running theory:

Richard Simmons is Gay.